Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
And sometimes the feeling of emptiness leaves you to worry...
... even though emptiness has no feeling at all
Sorry, I don't particularly mean to be depressing but I'm trying to find some eloquence... some intelligence... that I've put aside in past semesters. I promise I will post something of substance in the near future... such as the story about my new and freakishly huge sketchbook. lol I really need to allocate some time to responding to comments and facebook stuff too. Time has always been faster than I... it must drink more Mountain Dew. lol Sleep is the worst form of procrastination for me right now... lol, actually I just typed "first worm" instead of "worst form" hahaha. Sorry, I've been trying to finish off a bottle of wine from last semester before it sours. Alcohol is my Ritalin sadly enough.... yet somehow I think its less damaging than actual Ritalin. hehe
Anyway, I did dream of snow a few nights ago. I dream of snow frequently... although maybe the air conditioning was set on too low of a temperature again. lol In the dream, I realized I must be dreaming so I woke myself... except what I thought was "awake" was in fact still "dream." I went to the door of my apartment and then to my window to see the snow... except the apartment looked abandoned... the windows and doors had been knocked out and covered with plastic. It seemed so real that I thought I might have been sleep-walking and so when I actually did awake, I checked to see if I had unlocked the door to look out at my dream-snow. lol In the past I have dream-IMed and dream-phonecalled people.... which is why I keep my messenger off more frequently. lol However, the poem is less to do with my dreams of winter and more to do with the silence in my mind... perhaps a product of academic apathy... or my own creation to save me from myself. It has frequently been a topic of much poetic diction.
Cold Thoughts
I dream of snow as my mind lay in winter.
The windows are broken and the drifts wander in.
I am bundled in memory yet what I can remember
Unravels quickly and my cover grows thin.
I can faintly hear the old song my lips sing,
But cannot decipher a single distinct word.
The syllables fall softly like a hollow rain
That soaks the ink of my soul, leaving all writing blurred.
What language remains for my private discourse…
To make lucid the epitaph of my own heart?
Alas I abandoned a smudged soul for silence,
Yet my inaudible hope still strives to impart.
Yet do I need such gravity for a weightless existence?
My old splendor is now static with enduring rime.
Am I as vacant as a milky sky in winter and so distant…
That I can’t feel the ameliorating touch of time?
I stir from my dream yet my mind still lay frozen,
And the sun in my heart still obscured by cold clouds.
Do remembrance’s blankets preserve my waning warmth…
Or are they nothing more now than burial shrouds?
Sorry, I don't particularly mean to be depressing but I'm trying to find some eloquence... some intelligence... that I've put aside in past semesters. I promise I will post something of substance in the near future... such as the story about my new and freakishly huge sketchbook. lol I really need to allocate some time to responding to comments and facebook stuff too. Time has always been faster than I... it must drink more Mountain Dew. lol Sleep is the worst form of procrastination for me right now... lol, actually I just typed "first worm" instead of "worst form" hahaha. Sorry, I've been trying to finish off a bottle of wine from last semester before it sours. Alcohol is my Ritalin sadly enough.... yet somehow I think its less damaging than actual Ritalin. hehe
Anyway, I did dream of snow a few nights ago. I dream of snow frequently... although maybe the air conditioning was set on too low of a temperature again. lol In the dream, I realized I must be dreaming so I woke myself... except what I thought was "awake" was in fact still "dream." I went to the door of my apartment and then to my window to see the snow... except the apartment looked abandoned... the windows and doors had been knocked out and covered with plastic. It seemed so real that I thought I might have been sleep-walking and so when I actually did awake, I checked to see if I had unlocked the door to look out at my dream-snow. lol In the past I have dream-IMed and dream-phonecalled people.... which is why I keep my messenger off more frequently. lol However, the poem is less to do with my dreams of winter and more to do with the silence in my mind... perhaps a product of academic apathy... or my own creation to save me from myself. It has frequently been a topic of much poetic diction.
Cold Thoughts
I dream of snow as my mind lay in winter.
The windows are broken and the drifts wander in.
I am bundled in memory yet what I can remember
Unravels quickly and my cover grows thin.
I can faintly hear the old song my lips sing,
But cannot decipher a single distinct word.
The syllables fall softly like a hollow rain
That soaks the ink of my soul, leaving all writing blurred.
What language remains for my private discourse…
To make lucid the epitaph of my own heart?
Alas I abandoned a smudged soul for silence,
Yet my inaudible hope still strives to impart.
Yet do I need such gravity for a weightless existence?
My old splendor is now static with enduring rime.
Am I as vacant as a milky sky in winter and so distant…
That I can’t feel the ameliorating touch of time?
I stir from my dream yet my mind still lay frozen,
And the sun in my heart still obscured by cold clouds.
Do remembrance’s blankets preserve my waning warmth…
Or are they nothing more now than burial shrouds?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
And each day seemed like a year...
...and each year was wasted away.
So many thoughts sacrificed to false scholars
that I resurrect in my dreams of day.
They proselytized of our self-righteousness
while hypocrisy slithered as a shadow at their feet
They state "do not assume," as they assume we know less
Yet soon all of our minds will be incomplete
They pull free what we know for it to be replaced
And let years of adept thought on cold wind drift away
every feather in my wings is now misplaced
and I'm grounded far from my dreams of day
They erect massive cages of intellect
ornately decorated with academese
And before such golden idols must we genuflect
For its too far to see a sky of dreams on our knees
But our minds leave this temple a ruin in time
though we'll ramble through its rubble until we die
My feathers will settle in the now desolate clime
And I'll learn that first you must fall to fly
Sorry, this poem was spontaneous. I didn't meant for it to take on so many verses. I'm just lost in a bit of anger. It always seems like some of the Horticulture professors leave me hating the educational system. So often They have us endure grand schemes that supposedly force us to learn... assuming we all need forcing... assuming we all failed to develop an ability to think. It always seems like kindergarten. They do not entrust us the task of learning... they feel they must manage our learning for us. Just as many plants may lack uniformity even when one manipulates their environment for perfect growth, so are people's minds. Everyone learns differently. I am very concerned at how this class will progress. I do not respond favorably to micromanagement. :( *sigh* It seems I'm alone in a torture chamber of sorts... I don't know how to proceed anymore... and there's no one here to walk with me.
But on a positive note! lol PICTURES! Thinking of someday completing some art is perhaps a great source of false hope! hehe Here is my Lefty Sexiness Draw-age notebook (LSD Book lol) and the selected pictures I hope to complete... there's a bunch I've just given up on that I did not include in this line-up. meh I'm listing these in sequential order, from oldest to newest.
Cover: Finally I figured out how to make the sketchbook more effective... I flipped it so that it appeals both to my dyslexia but also to my hatred the spiral wire cutting into the side of my hand whilst I draw! There's my signature for anyone who wishes to practice forgery... lol
Scruffy's Dragon: This one has been unfinished for a VERY long time... over a year I gather because I started it when I first moved into my aggieville apartment. My reason for stopping: fear of f*cking up. Pen is permanent... one false move with those tiny stippled dots and it was all in vain!
Hedgehog Armies: This one I've mostly abandoned. It was just something silly... and of course, like the fate all my drawings someday face, it was severely smudged in sketchbook travel. But its nice to fantasize about armies of hedgehogs. lol
Hodadenon (Last one left): Clearly this is from a while ago... note the winter coat. lol A mannerist's tribute to loneliness... but mostly it was a chance to do a little anatomy study and mannerism! Reason for not finishing: I lost interest because I didn't think that what work had been done was good enough to be continued... and the endless shading of the vacant background seemed overwhelming.
Weerwolfje (Werewolf): Another old one. I can even recall working on the wolf in my landscape design class a couple semesters ago. It would have proved to be a nice drawing, I think. Reason for not finishing: I was probably burned out from landscape. I also got nervous about doing all the detailed drawing of the fur. Also I had some concerns on how to blend all the elements together.
The Pirate Queen: This one is pretty old as well. It was something that I began on a whim... sort of as a joke for friends. I didn't get very far either... other ideas popped into my headed that claimed precedence. Reason for stopping: I didn't take this drawing seriously to begin with so I wasn't incredibly empowered to finish it. I was also worried about some of the more difficult detail aspects... such as capturing luminosity in the pearls. Pearls are so f*cking hard to draw sometimes... and yet I always want to draw them.
Jinjyr's Orb: Finally, a newbie! Started at the beginning of last summer! This was an attempt to relive my youth when I loved to do comic book art. I still have my dreams of illustrating my own amateur comic book. Again, its a character from a story of mine. I draw her a lot... mainly because I'm never satisfied. Reason for stopping: *shrug* Don't know. I guess there was some insignificant details that for some unknown reason I found overwhelming... plus I went and started some other stuff, I guess.
Eyes of the Chosen: Another newbie. I was mostly drawing this one so I could do some more Jin (my made up race) stenciling. Drawing swirls is fun! LOL I really had fun with the eyes, too. However, I did have to redraw the right eye several times because do to some visual problems, I always seem to mistakingly draw the right eye lower than the left on portraits. I have another example of this on a painting I did of myself. Reason for stopping: Firstly, I was frustrated with that damned eye. Secondly, I got to draw my swirls so I was already satisfied with that... not much more motivation to continue. Lastly, I was overwhelmed with all the hair detail I was going to have to do.
Owl Eyes: I was really eager to finish this one... but enthusiasm wasn't enough. The background was even going to be in color so it was definitely going to look neat! So I'll just jump right into my reason for stopping: OWL FEATHERS ARE A B*TCH TO DRAW! lol The detail was killing me... and I kept trying to sacrifice detail in other places to make it simpler. Lastly, the lighting doesn't fit together and I don't know how I'm going to blend all the elements... *sigh* I'm just stuck! BLARGH!
That's all I'm posting for now... there are about three more but I'm running late to class. AYEEEE!
Anyway... my 5:30 class went all the way to 7:30... ugh. Now I'm trying to get NASA's display ready for the activities carnival AND I'm trying to figure out this paper for Landscape Maintenance. I drank my first Mountain Dew of the semester today and I'm already praying for rest... its only the third day of the semester. So, I guess I'll post the last three pics... or else they might feel left out lol. My drawings are very sensitive. haha
Lone Wolf: A.k.a. Mattu Lonsifer! Yup, another one of my storybook characters. He's the half-brother o' Jinjyr and the one who gets tortured when I feel the story is getting too boring. Er... lol... sorry Mattu! Generally I draw him more fierce looking but I was going for a more regal look this time. I've been trying to document my characters/story just in case school finally kills me off. *coughs up blood* Ah, the ol' ulcer! Oddly enough, this character is based on a boy with which I was infatuated my freshman year of high school... eight years ago! I love misusing the personas of strangers for my own enjoyment! lol Any way, reason for not finishing: I accidentally smudged it beyond recognition but managed to rescue it (you can still see where I've erased lighter spots). It was heart breaking since I was getting the feeling I'd actually finish this one. Also, all the little beads are... you guessed it... PEARLS! And It's really hard to capture the glow of a pearl... thus I felt overwhelmed. Plus, they have to be pearls... its a cultural thing! :P
Get back to the garden: This one isn't far along at all! I haven't even drawn out all the detail... those are supposed to be flowers in the foreground but all I've done is block them in for now. I spent most of my time trying to get the depth somewhat correct. The face angle and eye focus are all wrong as well. This was a guided drawing... I was told to draw a song from my play list. This is from a line in the song "Woodstock" by Joni Mitchell. Reason for stopping: I have no idea what clothes to give to the poor lass... and I don't want to do another nude. Also, I had other ideas in my head I wanted to get drawn out first.
Luricid: Well what do you know, another character! I really need to drop this stupid unfinished story of mine. I spent most of my time in this drawing getting the face right. I actually had to use a crappy drawing I drew in my planner back in highschool as a reference for how he looked. I had never actually drawn this character anywhere else before. Unlike the Jin with their European features and the Wolves with their native features, Luricid is Atlan, a race which looks more southeast Asian. I'm not used to drawing those kind of faces so it was a bit of a challenge. Reason for stopping: School started! LOL I just began this one a few weeks ago.
Well that's it... at least for this sketch book... I own about 10 sketchbooks. lol However, the LSD Book is my fav so I draw more in it.
Goodnight... I have to go write a paper. blech!
So many thoughts sacrificed to false scholars
that I resurrect in my dreams of day.
They proselytized of our self-righteousness
while hypocrisy slithered as a shadow at their feet
They state "do not assume," as they assume we know less
Yet soon all of our minds will be incomplete
They pull free what we know for it to be replaced
And let years of adept thought on cold wind drift away
every feather in my wings is now misplaced
and I'm grounded far from my dreams of day
They erect massive cages of intellect
ornately decorated with academese
And before such golden idols must we genuflect
For its too far to see a sky of dreams on our knees
But our minds leave this temple a ruin in time
though we'll ramble through its rubble until we die
My feathers will settle in the now desolate clime
And I'll learn that first you must fall to fly
Sorry, this poem was spontaneous. I didn't meant for it to take on so many verses. I'm just lost in a bit of anger. It always seems like some of the Horticulture professors leave me hating the educational system. So often They have us endure grand schemes that supposedly force us to learn... assuming we all need forcing... assuming we all failed to develop an ability to think. It always seems like kindergarten. They do not entrust us the task of learning... they feel they must manage our learning for us. Just as many plants may lack uniformity even when one manipulates their environment for perfect growth, so are people's minds. Everyone learns differently. I am very concerned at how this class will progress. I do not respond favorably to micromanagement. :( *sigh* It seems I'm alone in a torture chamber of sorts... I don't know how to proceed anymore... and there's no one here to walk with me.
But on a positive note! lol PICTURES! Thinking of someday completing some art is perhaps a great source of false hope! hehe Here is my Lefty Sexiness Draw-age notebook (LSD Book lol) and the selected pictures I hope to complete... there's a bunch I've just given up on that I did not include in this line-up. meh I'm listing these in sequential order, from oldest to newest.
Cover: Finally I figured out how to make the sketchbook more effective... I flipped it so that it appeals both to my dyslexia but also to my hatred the spiral wire cutting into the side of my hand whilst I draw! There's my signature for anyone who wishes to practice forgery... lol
Scruffy's Dragon: This one has been unfinished for a VERY long time... over a year I gather because I started it when I first moved into my aggieville apartment. My reason for stopping: fear of f*cking up. Pen is permanent... one false move with those tiny stippled dots and it was all in vain!
Hedgehog Armies: This one I've mostly abandoned. It was just something silly... and of course, like the fate all my drawings someday face, it was severely smudged in sketchbook travel. But its nice to fantasize about armies of hedgehogs. lol
Hodadenon (Last one left): Clearly this is from a while ago... note the winter coat. lol A mannerist's tribute to loneliness... but mostly it was a chance to do a little anatomy study and mannerism! Reason for not finishing: I lost interest because I didn't think that what work had been done was good enough to be continued... and the endless shading of the vacant background seemed overwhelming.
Weerwolfje (Werewolf): Another old one. I can even recall working on the wolf in my landscape design class a couple semesters ago. It would have proved to be a nice drawing, I think. Reason for not finishing: I was probably burned out from landscape. I also got nervous about doing all the detailed drawing of the fur. Also I had some concerns on how to blend all the elements together.
The Pirate Queen: This one is pretty old as well. It was something that I began on a whim... sort of as a joke for friends. I didn't get very far either... other ideas popped into my headed that claimed precedence. Reason for stopping: I didn't take this drawing seriously to begin with so I wasn't incredibly empowered to finish it. I was also worried about some of the more difficult detail aspects... such as capturing luminosity in the pearls. Pearls are so f*cking hard to draw sometimes... and yet I always want to draw them.
Jinjyr's Orb: Finally, a newbie! Started at the beginning of last summer! This was an attempt to relive my youth when I loved to do comic book art. I still have my dreams of illustrating my own amateur comic book. Again, its a character from a story of mine. I draw her a lot... mainly because I'm never satisfied. Reason for stopping: *shrug* Don't know. I guess there was some insignificant details that for some unknown reason I found overwhelming... plus I went and started some other stuff, I guess.
Eyes of the Chosen: Another newbie. I was mostly drawing this one so I could do some more Jin (my made up race) stenciling. Drawing swirls is fun! LOL I really had fun with the eyes, too. However, I did have to redraw the right eye several times because do to some visual problems, I always seem to mistakingly draw the right eye lower than the left on portraits. I have another example of this on a painting I did of myself. Reason for stopping: Firstly, I was frustrated with that damned eye. Secondly, I got to draw my swirls so I was already satisfied with that... not much more motivation to continue. Lastly, I was overwhelmed with all the hair detail I was going to have to do.
Owl Eyes: I was really eager to finish this one... but enthusiasm wasn't enough. The background was even going to be in color so it was definitely going to look neat! So I'll just jump right into my reason for stopping: OWL FEATHERS ARE A B*TCH TO DRAW! lol The detail was killing me... and I kept trying to sacrifice detail in other places to make it simpler. Lastly, the lighting doesn't fit together and I don't know how I'm going to blend all the elements... *sigh* I'm just stuck! BLARGH!
That's all I'm posting for now... there are about three more but I'm running late to class. AYEEEE!
Anyway... my 5:30 class went all the way to 7:30... ugh. Now I'm trying to get NASA's display ready for the activities carnival AND I'm trying to figure out this paper for Landscape Maintenance. I drank my first Mountain Dew of the semester today and I'm already praying for rest... its only the third day of the semester. So, I guess I'll post the last three pics... or else they might feel left out lol. My drawings are very sensitive. haha
Lone Wolf: A.k.a. Mattu Lonsifer! Yup, another one of my storybook characters. He's the half-brother o' Jinjyr and the one who gets tortured when I feel the story is getting too boring. Er... lol... sorry Mattu! Generally I draw him more fierce looking but I was going for a more regal look this time. I've been trying to document my characters/story just in case school finally kills me off. *coughs up blood* Ah, the ol' ulcer! Oddly enough, this character is based on a boy with which I was infatuated my freshman year of high school... eight years ago! I love misusing the personas of strangers for my own enjoyment! lol Any way, reason for not finishing: I accidentally smudged it beyond recognition but managed to rescue it (you can still see where I've erased lighter spots). It was heart breaking since I was getting the feeling I'd actually finish this one. Also, all the little beads are... you guessed it... PEARLS! And It's really hard to capture the glow of a pearl... thus I felt overwhelmed. Plus, they have to be pearls... its a cultural thing! :P
Get back to the garden: This one isn't far along at all! I haven't even drawn out all the detail... those are supposed to be flowers in the foreground but all I've done is block them in for now. I spent most of my time trying to get the depth somewhat correct. The face angle and eye focus are all wrong as well. This was a guided drawing... I was told to draw a song from my play list. This is from a line in the song "Woodstock" by Joni Mitchell. Reason for stopping: I have no idea what clothes to give to the poor lass... and I don't want to do another nude. Also, I had other ideas in my head I wanted to get drawn out first.
Luricid: Well what do you know, another character! I really need to drop this stupid unfinished story of mine. I spent most of my time in this drawing getting the face right. I actually had to use a crappy drawing I drew in my planner back in highschool as a reference for how he looked. I had never actually drawn this character anywhere else before. Unlike the Jin with their European features and the Wolves with their native features, Luricid is Atlan, a race which looks more southeast Asian. I'm not used to drawing those kind of faces so it was a bit of a challenge. Reason for stopping: School started! LOL I just began this one a few weeks ago.
Well that's it... at least for this sketch book... I own about 10 sketchbooks. lol However, the LSD Book is my fav so I draw more in it.
Goodnight... I have to go write a paper. blech!
Monday, August 20, 2007
And sometimes I wonder and wander and stray....
... as my life's but a secret of dreams of the day!
Yay, rhyming... pathetic, but still it's rhyming! lol So my first day is over... mostly... at least the school part of the day. Better than I expected... but I generally expect very little! lol To begin it was freaking hot and my face melted off on the way to class... and let me tell you, it's very embarrassing to walk around campus with your skull exposed... hahaha After I had finished sweating 50% of my 70% liquid composition... the day got better... and dryer! It was entirely biochemistry classes today. The lecture course was okay... the teacher seems nice and fair although his grasp on the English language is a loose one... but to be great is to be misunderstood. In other words, his lack of knowledge of American English implies that he's probably very bright. lol And I particularly liked how no words were ever plural and he referred to the class as "the student" like some super entity! Like VOLTRON! hahahaha I totally hope I'm part of the student-voltron's left arm!
Biochem recitation seemed... er... meh, although an animal science major named Mark came up and started talking to me right away. I always despise the first day because I live off campus and therefore lack the hundreds of dorm or sorority friends that most girls have. Thus no one ever talks to me... especially because of my diseases... lol... just kidding... unless awkwardness is a classified disease. It was nice to have a moment to flex my social skills again since my parents' summer imprisonment always atrophies them. It's just a matter of regaining the confidence that constant parental criticism devours! In terms of the class, I hated the fact that we were covering basic chem concepts like Keq and pH and buffering and titration and molarity.... blah blah blah. If I wanted to take Chem 1 twice I would have... but I suppose its good review. Afterall, its been 3 years since Chem 1... back oh so long ago... when I was taking classes with the dinosaurs. lol
I spent two hours this morning blessing jingles with prayers... I can't get the smell of white sage and sagewort out of my noise. I hope this stuff isn't carcinogenic. A moment of spirituality!... yes, its rare for the Leezle but I do sometimes stray from my devout atheism. lol I just wanted to get jingle sewing done today since I was eager to break my 4 day spiritual fasting... but I was running late for class and didn't manage to get one bite of cereal. *uber pouts* make that 5 days fasting... SOOO HUNGRY! Anyway, I'm trying to adhere to a VERY STRICT schedule so that I don't waste a moment of time... that way I can get art projects done without avoiding friends... and I can hang out with friends and still finish some art.... CRAP, I JUST WASTED TIME REPEATING MYSELF! lol Actually, I haven't followed the schedule too precisely today. This is supposed to be my "personal enrichment" time... not my computer time... but I consider rambling to be very enriching. lol I hope the schedule will at least help smooth out any personal problems I've been having... like chronic antisocial behavior for instance! :P
There's a lot of bad stuff that's been going down... but as an attempt to subvert the negative, I'll be brief. For one, the car that we took to Alabama has been sabotaged again and its getting more and more expensive to salvage. For two, my mother's step sister was murdered by her husband... frightfully, this is something that has occurred before in her family. I only hope that my future husband does not feel the need to rid of me in so sinister of a manner. The sadder part was that this woman had fought her whole life to live against endless ailments... only to be taken down by someone she thought had loved her.
My mind wonders and wanders with thoughts it won't expose
But binds up dark reverie in the constricted buds of rose
Such gloom rumination abates the life that there grows
And the bud seals with death imprisoning what it knows
forever to close
'til it goes...
with life's winter.
Gah, I've been in such a mood to write a song... but that's something for another post... and I only have music time scheduled in on Sundays... lol SCHEDULE IS MY MASTER! So it Root... but I'm not programming right now! haha
Ciao for now!
Yay, rhyming... pathetic, but still it's rhyming! lol So my first day is over... mostly... at least the school part of the day. Better than I expected... but I generally expect very little! lol To begin it was freaking hot and my face melted off on the way to class... and let me tell you, it's very embarrassing to walk around campus with your skull exposed... hahaha After I had finished sweating 50% of my 70% liquid composition... the day got better... and dryer! It was entirely biochemistry classes today. The lecture course was okay... the teacher seems nice and fair although his grasp on the English language is a loose one... but to be great is to be misunderstood. In other words, his lack of knowledge of American English implies that he's probably very bright. lol And I particularly liked how no words were ever plural and he referred to the class as "the student" like some super entity! Like VOLTRON! hahahaha I totally hope I'm part of the student-voltron's left arm!
Biochem recitation seemed... er... meh, although an animal science major named Mark came up and started talking to me right away. I always despise the first day because I live off campus and therefore lack the hundreds of dorm or sorority friends that most girls have. Thus no one ever talks to me... especially because of my diseases... lol... just kidding... unless awkwardness is a classified disease. It was nice to have a moment to flex my social skills again since my parents' summer imprisonment always atrophies them. It's just a matter of regaining the confidence that constant parental criticism devours! In terms of the class, I hated the fact that we were covering basic chem concepts like Keq and pH and buffering and titration and molarity.... blah blah blah. If I wanted to take Chem 1 twice I would have... but I suppose its good review. Afterall, its been 3 years since Chem 1... back oh so long ago... when I was taking classes with the dinosaurs. lol
I spent two hours this morning blessing jingles with prayers... I can't get the smell of white sage and sagewort out of my noise. I hope this stuff isn't carcinogenic. A moment of spirituality!... yes, its rare for the Leezle but I do sometimes stray from my devout atheism. lol I just wanted to get jingle sewing done today since I was eager to break my 4 day spiritual fasting... but I was running late for class and didn't manage to get one bite of cereal. *uber pouts* make that 5 days fasting... SOOO HUNGRY! Anyway, I'm trying to adhere to a VERY STRICT schedule so that I don't waste a moment of time... that way I can get art projects done without avoiding friends... and I can hang out with friends and still finish some art.... CRAP, I JUST WASTED TIME REPEATING MYSELF! lol Actually, I haven't followed the schedule too precisely today. This is supposed to be my "personal enrichment" time... not my computer time... but I consider rambling to be very enriching. lol I hope the schedule will at least help smooth out any personal problems I've been having... like chronic antisocial behavior for instance! :P
There's a lot of bad stuff that's been going down... but as an attempt to subvert the negative, I'll be brief. For one, the car that we took to Alabama has been sabotaged again and its getting more and more expensive to salvage. For two, my mother's step sister was murdered by her husband... frightfully, this is something that has occurred before in her family. I only hope that my future husband does not feel the need to rid of me in so sinister of a manner. The sadder part was that this woman had fought her whole life to live against endless ailments... only to be taken down by someone she thought had loved her.
My mind wonders and wanders with thoughts it won't expose
But binds up dark reverie in the constricted buds of rose
Such gloom rumination abates the life that there grows
And the bud seals with death imprisoning what it knows
forever to close
'til it goes...
with life's winter.
Gah, I've been in such a mood to write a song... but that's something for another post... and I only have music time scheduled in on Sundays... lol SCHEDULE IS MY MASTER! So it Root... but I'm not programming right now! haha
Ciao for now!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
And the leezle should never be allowed to write after 2:00 AM!
Hello all, and by "all" I mean the sexy voices in my head! I bet you didn't think I was still alive... but alas, I have managed to elude all your assignation attempts! MUAHAHAHAHA! Hopefully this will not be the last post you see from me this semester as I am making a point to exist again since I haven't for about a year or two. I promise to at least make a weekly pilgrimage to this pathetic blog. However, I will remind you that my promises aren't worth much... granted they are worth something. My promises are like pennies, really. They're worth something but not enough to make them useful... so mostly they get caught in the vacuum. I'm talking USA pennies though... because Canadian pennies ARE worthless... although they do make fashionable coin jewelry. lol
Soooo, I sadly spent my last week of freedom stuck in the deep south. My sister graduated August 11th with her Doctorate degree in psychology and we drove down to Tuscaloosa, Alabama for the ceremony. Lucky for us, we got there right when the south was having a heat wave... and so it was 107 degrees Fahrenheit WITHOUT heat index. On the way up, our car started shaking and smelling like burning rubber... we pulled over and the coolant was boiling. lol The car continued to overheat so when we got to Alabama, we took it to a mechanic who charged us way too much and didn't actually fix the problem. After the graduation, we all planned to drive up to Memphis where my sister is doing her internship and visit some more relatives bleh. As soon as we took off on the road, the car started shaking worse than before and overheating again. After stopping and starting about three times the car finally decided to cooperate. Suddenly, about halfway into our trip, something snapped and the car was shaking and roaring... it felt like we had a flat. Unfortunately, the south seems to be more desolate than Kansas and the closest place to stop is a little town called peppertown consisting of three CLOSED gas stations. Apparently this mecca of useless petrol facilities services the entire city's soda and newspaper needs because at least 50 people stopped by in the 30 minutes we were stranded there to buy soda from the pop machines and newspapers from the newsstand. Anyway, my mom and I got out of the car while my dad attempted to find some shade to park under when we heard a rattling that sounded like gravel in the hubcaps. My dad removed the hubcap and found that half the lugnuts had unscrewed.... pretty much, the wheel was falling off. The loose wheel caused vibration which in turn was causing friction and making the car overheat. Apparently, when my dad had got the tires rotated for our trip, the mechanic was in such a hurry that he didn't get the lugnuts in the threads and thus when he used the torque wrench to screw them in, he stripped the threads... so the wheel wasn't really being held on with anything. At this point I was suffering dehydration and a nice gentlemen whose car had overheated was talking to me about cars in an accent thicker than whole milk. Salvation came when my sister and her friend, Megan, showed up to help us out... after having left for Memphis two hours after us. lol Anyway, my dad manage to tighten the remaining lugnuts and we made it another 12 miles to Tupelo, Mississippi, before they too fell out. Tupelo, the birth place of Elvis Presley, seemed to be one of the creepiest places. At this point the entire wheel and the thingy it attaches to needed replaced so we decided that we would have to stay in Tupelo until a mechanic could fix it. All the while, we are standing in 107 degree heat and crazy people kept coming up and talking to us as is the custom in the south. lol Some man in a neckbrace with only one visible tooth approached me and tried talking to me but I couldn't understand what he was saying.... something about the police... O.O So anyway, there was a hotel right where we broke down. This hotel did not look right... there was two other broken down cars in front of it... one with a punctured tire, the other was covered in unfathomably large spider webs. The receptionist gave us a room on the back side of the hotel and it looked nice at first glance. While I was relaxing on the bed, Megan jumped up and shouted "OMG!" and then she reached for the pillow behind me to catch a creepy-crawly that was going for my head. I thought it was an isolated incident and so I tried not to get paranoid about bug attacks. So then I got up to go fill the dog's water bowl (the family dog was also traveling with us) in the bathroom sink, when I turned around, I screamed, launching the waterbowl, as I came face to face with the biggest spider I have ever ever ever seen in my entire life.... in all my years of entomology even! Everyone thought I was being bug-a-phobic until they saw it and produced similar reactions. It was the discovery of the first U.S. tarantula. lol My dad, the brave man he is, squashed it with his foot, that barely covered it. SPLAT!!! It squished orange goo everywhere. After further examination of the room, we realized that the room was already occupied... by a menagerie of spiders. Needless to say, we asked for a different room. Our next room was and remained creepy-crawly free! While sitting in the room my sister came in from the parking lot and remarked about sighting other cars with punctured tires and spider webs parked all around the building. Thus a new Stephen King novel was born... lol I still wonder about it... whether Tupelo is cursed and cars just break down there... or perhaps the hotel employees were popping tires to get more business... or more likely, a race of super spiders were biting the tires in order to keep their human-food right where they wanted it. I rode up to Memphis with my sister and Megan and my parents stayed in Tupelo to get the car repaired. Unfortunately, at my sister's I was subjected to hours of reality t.v. and have now lost what little ability I had left to speak English properly. We watched the show called "The Hills" and some other show about the promiscuous ongoings of real teenagers from upper class California. I thought, "They should make a reality t.v. about teens from Kansas!!!.... then again, the show would probably consist of Kansas teens sitting around watching the show about Californian teens... lol" Finally, we returned home after two extra days of sitting on my ass in Memphis! I never thought I'd be so happy to look upon the endless suburbs of Johnson County, KS. hehehe
Well, now I'm back in Manhattan, unpacking, re-organizing, and getting ready for the new semester... which starts on Monday. Hopefully more interesting posts are to come.... all I really wanted to do it tell everyone about the enormous spider. I realize how badly this is written... I'm very tired... *snore* lol But I figure I should quit procrastinating...
Soooo, I sadly spent my last week of freedom stuck in the deep south. My sister graduated August 11th with her Doctorate degree in psychology and we drove down to Tuscaloosa, Alabama for the ceremony. Lucky for us, we got there right when the south was having a heat wave... and so it was 107 degrees Fahrenheit WITHOUT heat index. On the way up, our car started shaking and smelling like burning rubber... we pulled over and the coolant was boiling. lol The car continued to overheat so when we got to Alabama, we took it to a mechanic who charged us way too much and didn't actually fix the problem. After the graduation, we all planned to drive up to Memphis where my sister is doing her internship and visit some more relatives bleh. As soon as we took off on the road, the car started shaking worse than before and overheating again. After stopping and starting about three times the car finally decided to cooperate. Suddenly, about halfway into our trip, something snapped and the car was shaking and roaring... it felt like we had a flat. Unfortunately, the south seems to be more desolate than Kansas and the closest place to stop is a little town called peppertown consisting of three CLOSED gas stations. Apparently this mecca of useless petrol facilities services the entire city's soda and newspaper needs because at least 50 people stopped by in the 30 minutes we were stranded there to buy soda from the pop machines and newspapers from the newsstand. Anyway, my mom and I got out of the car while my dad attempted to find some shade to park under when we heard a rattling that sounded like gravel in the hubcaps. My dad removed the hubcap and found that half the lugnuts had unscrewed.... pretty much, the wheel was falling off. The loose wheel caused vibration which in turn was causing friction and making the car overheat. Apparently, when my dad had got the tires rotated for our trip, the mechanic was in such a hurry that he didn't get the lugnuts in the threads and thus when he used the torque wrench to screw them in, he stripped the threads... so the wheel wasn't really being held on with anything. At this point I was suffering dehydration and a nice gentlemen whose car had overheated was talking to me about cars in an accent thicker than whole milk. Salvation came when my sister and her friend, Megan, showed up to help us out... after having left for Memphis two hours after us. lol Anyway, my dad manage to tighten the remaining lugnuts and we made it another 12 miles to Tupelo, Mississippi, before they too fell out. Tupelo, the birth place of Elvis Presley, seemed to be one of the creepiest places. At this point the entire wheel and the thingy it attaches to needed replaced so we decided that we would have to stay in Tupelo until a mechanic could fix it. All the while, we are standing in 107 degree heat and crazy people kept coming up and talking to us as is the custom in the south. lol Some man in a neckbrace with only one visible tooth approached me and tried talking to me but I couldn't understand what he was saying.... something about the police... O.O So anyway, there was a hotel right where we broke down. This hotel did not look right... there was two other broken down cars in front of it... one with a punctured tire, the other was covered in unfathomably large spider webs. The receptionist gave us a room on the back side of the hotel and it looked nice at first glance. While I was relaxing on the bed, Megan jumped up and shouted "OMG!" and then she reached for the pillow behind me to catch a creepy-crawly that was going for my head. I thought it was an isolated incident and so I tried not to get paranoid about bug attacks. So then I got up to go fill the dog's water bowl (the family dog was also traveling with us) in the bathroom sink, when I turned around, I screamed, launching the waterbowl, as I came face to face with the biggest spider I have ever ever ever seen in my entire life.... in all my years of entomology even! Everyone thought I was being bug-a-phobic until they saw it and produced similar reactions. It was the discovery of the first U.S. tarantula. lol My dad, the brave man he is, squashed it with his foot, that barely covered it. SPLAT!!! It squished orange goo everywhere. After further examination of the room, we realized that the room was already occupied... by a menagerie of spiders. Needless to say, we asked for a different room. Our next room was and remained creepy-crawly free! While sitting in the room my sister came in from the parking lot and remarked about sighting other cars with punctured tires and spider webs parked all around the building. Thus a new Stephen King novel was born... lol I still wonder about it... whether Tupelo is cursed and cars just break down there... or perhaps the hotel employees were popping tires to get more business... or more likely, a race of super spiders were biting the tires in order to keep their human-food right where they wanted it. I rode up to Memphis with my sister and Megan and my parents stayed in Tupelo to get the car repaired. Unfortunately, at my sister's I was subjected to hours of reality t.v. and have now lost what little ability I had left to speak English properly. We watched the show called "The Hills" and some other show about the promiscuous ongoings of real teenagers from upper class California. I thought, "They should make a reality t.v. about teens from Kansas!!!.... then again, the show would probably consist of Kansas teens sitting around watching the show about Californian teens... lol" Finally, we returned home after two extra days of sitting on my ass in Memphis! I never thought I'd be so happy to look upon the endless suburbs of Johnson County, KS. hehehe
Well, now I'm back in Manhattan, unpacking, re-organizing, and getting ready for the new semester... which starts on Monday. Hopefully more interesting posts are to come.... all I really wanted to do it tell everyone about the enormous spider. I realize how badly this is written... I'm very tired... *snore* lol But I figure I should quit procrastinating...
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